Why listening without judgment can be difficult; and how to get better at It
You’ve probably said it before: “I’m not judging. You can tell me anything.”
And yet, even with the best intentions, judgment sneaks in.
Your gaze shifts.
You offer advice too quickly.
You start a sentence with: “You should…”
Not because you want to hurt.
But because, like all of us, you were raised in a culture that values opinions, solutions, and commentary.
And not always… listening.
Listening without judgment means going against the current.
It means resisting the urge to:
- compare
- bring the conversation back to yourself
- decide what’s normal, or good and what isn’t
It means welcoming the other person’s reality… even when it unsettles you, doesn’t make sense to you or
stirs something within you.
Why is it so difficult to listen without judging?
1. Because you want to help
You might judge without realizing it, thinking you’re being helpful.
You try to guide, to reassure, to save.
But helping too quickly can shut down the other person’s momentum.
It puts a filter on what they’re trying to share with you.
2. Because you listen through your own story
Your values, wounds, and personal compass shape how you listen.
You think you understand… but you understand from your own lens.
Listening without judgment means setting all that aside — for a moment.
It means making space for the other person, just as they are, where they are
3. Because silence makes you uncomfortable
So you fill it.
You interpret.
You offer advice to ease the tension.
But sometimes, it’s in silence that the essential emerges.
How can you listen without judgment?
- By letting the other person finish their thoughts.
- By asking open-ended questions, without trying to validate or correct.
- By reflecting back what you hear: “You’re feeling…”, “What I understand is…”
- By noticing your own internal reactions… without imposing them.
And above all, by remembering that listening doesn’t mean agreeing — it means being present.
Listening without judgement isn’t easy, but it’s a profound form of respect. It’s a practice, a muscle you can strengthen, and every time you do, you help create a more human space.
Being listened to without judgement feels good. That’s why at Tel-Aide Montréal, this is what we practice every day: respectful, non-judgmental listening that creates a space where everyone can speak freely, without fear or filters.
If talking to someone in a caring environment resonates with you, call our free active listening line, available 24/7, at 514‑935‑1101 or toll-free at 1‑877‑935‑1101.
