“You should get out more. It would do you good,” you say with genuine care. Whether you’re a parent, friend, or coworker, your intention is clear: you want to help Jordan, 19, snap out of it.

But you can see Jordan’s reaction. His eyes stay fixed on his phone as he scrolls endlessly, reads your messages without replying, then disappears back into his feed. The more solutions you offer, the more he seems to pull away. Hyperconnected, yet feeling more alone than ever. What’s meant as encouragement can end up feeling like more pressure, reinforcing the sense that he’s falling behind or “not doing enough.”

The backpack metaphor: when help adds more weight

To understand why Jordan shuts down instead of responding to your advice, imagine that he’s carrying a backpack filled with rocks. Each rock represents a source of stress: financial pressure, climate anxiety, social comparison online, uncertainty about the future, loneliness, or the feeling of never doing enough. The backpack is so heavy he can barely get off the couch.

So when you say, “You should go out more” or “Why don’t you try working out?”, even with the best intentions, Jordan may not hear encouragement. What he hears is: “You should be able to do more than this, you should run a marathon while carrying that backpack.”

That’s where the pressure builds. In a culture where success and self-worth are often tied to productivity, even basic daily functioning can start to feel like a test. If Jordan doesn’t have the energy to follow your advice, he may not think, “I’m overwhelmed right now.” Instead, he may think, “What’s wrong with me?”

The phone then becomes more than a distraction. It becomes a place to escape, disconnect, or temporarily avoid the weight he’s carrying, even if it sometimes leaves him feeling even more alone afterward.

What science tells us

This isn’t just a feeling or a passing trend. Recent research strongly supports these patterns.

Performance pressure and isolation

Recent studies confirm that , the belief that others expect us to be perfect (socially prescribed perfectionism), is directly linked to loneliness and psychological distress in young adults. A 2025 study suggested that the more pressure young people feel from others, the more their self-esteem erodes, often leading them to withdraw socially to avoid judgment.

The American Psychological Association also noted in 2024 that today’s “success-at-all-costs” culture creates a hidden mental health burden, where every perceived failure can feel like a threat to a person’s sense of self. In other words, failure no longer feels like “I made a mistake,” but “there’s something wrong with me.”

The hyperconnection paradox

Recent findings also show that passive social media use, mainly scrolling and watching content without interacting, significantly increases loneliness among people aged 18 to 30.

Constant exposure to idealized lives online encourages unhealthy comparison and weakens self-esteem. In that context, comments like “Why don’t you do what they’re doing?” can feel shaming rather than motivating.

A 2025 review also confirmed a direct link between exposure to “perfect life” content online and feelings of isolation.

The importance of listening

Research consistently shows that people in distress often need understanding and emotional support more than immediate solutions.

Giving advice too quickly can unintentionally make someone feel dismissed or misunderstood. A 2025 study published in BMC Psychiatry found that emotional support, feeling heard, validated, and emotionally safe, has a stronger protective effect on mental health than practical advice when distress levels are high.

The Canadian context

Recent data shows that people aged 15 to 34 report higher levels of psychological distress and lower feelings of community belonging than other age groups. Jordan’s experience is therefore not a personal failure. It reflects a broader reality affecting many young adults today.

Three ways to become a compassionate witness

When someone is struggling with isolation or emotional distress, our instinct is often to motivate them, fix the problem, or offer solutions right away. But what they often need most is not to be “fixed.” It’s to feel understood and less alone.

Being a compassionate witness means offering calm, supportive presence instead of pressure to “get better” immediately. People often begin to feel less alone not because someone solved their problem, but because someone was willing to sit with them in the weight of it.

1. Accept to pause (acknowledge the weight)

Why it helps: Validation removes pressure. Research shows that feeling emotionally understood lowers stress and creates the sense of safety needed to slowly regain energy.

2. Ask questions instead of taking control (help sort through the backpack)

Why it helps: This approach helps the person reconnect with their own sense of agency. They remain the expert on their own life and capacity in the moment.

3. Offer support without pushing (Offer to carry the backpack together)

Why it helps: The person keeps control over the decision. When help is imposed too quickly, it can feel like another demand or expectation. A respectful offer helps preserve trust and connection.

Tel-Aide Montréal: listening that respects autonomy

This philosophy is at the heart of Tel-Aide Montréal. Volunteers provide 24/7 listening support rooted in human connection and respect for each person’s pace and reality.

Listeners welcome people without judgment, validate emotions, and support each caller’s ability to move forward in their own way. The goal is to offer a moment of relief, a space where someone can put down their burden, feel heard, and reconnect with their inner resources.

It’s a place where someone can say:

“My backpack is too heavy. I can’t do this right now.”

And hear, simply:

“I hear you. You’re allowed to be where you are. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, I’m here for you. ”

For young adults experiencing isolation, and for anyone who needs support, this service is a reminder that being truly listened to can make a real difference.

📞 1-877-935-1101, available 24/7, toll-free, judgment-free, and grounded in empathy.

References cited

• Perfectionism and loneliness: Perfectionism, Mattering and Loneliness in Young Adulthood. PMC (National Institutes of Health), 2024.
• Performance culture and mental health: Perfectionism and the High-Stakes Culture of Success: The Hidden Toll on Mental Health. American Psychological Association, October 2024.
• Social media and isolation: Social Media and Loneliness Among Young Adults: A Scoping Review. ResearchGate, 2025.
• Online social comparison: The Associations Between Social Comparison on Social Media and Mental Health. Frontiers in Psychology, 2025.
• Emotional vs. practical support: Differential Effects of Received Social Support and Mental Health Outcomes. BMC Psychiatry, 2025.
• Canadian data on youth mental health: Mental Health of Youth and Young Adults – Overview. Mental Health Infobase, Government of Canada (2024–2025 updates).
• Sense of belonging in Canada: Community and Well-Being: Exploring Sense of Belonging Among Young Adults. Statistics Canada, 2025.

Important note: This information is provided for educational purposes only and does not replace professional advice. Tel-Aide Montréal offers a listening and emotional support service provided primarily by volunteers and is not a therapy service.